Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
