i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
