dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Randomize
