Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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