pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
