how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
