eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
