Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
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