I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
