Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
