you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
