so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
