I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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