pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
