Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
too bad you live with your parents still
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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