i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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