I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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