Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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