She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
