The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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