I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
