I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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