I just made out with a guy for $7.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
