I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
