You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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