i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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