The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
