Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
