What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
