Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
