I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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