Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
