you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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