how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Randomize
