cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
im six kinds of drunk right now
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
