My first STD was from a foam party
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
