First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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