i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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