you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
what the fuck happened to the tacos
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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