I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
