I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
