you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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