She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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