Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
