We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
