so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
