Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
