Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
