i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize