Can i not drive my cunt home
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
