She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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