Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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