Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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