it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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