they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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