WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
