Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
