i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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