I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize