We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
