tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
