What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
