So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
