You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
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He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
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There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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