I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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